Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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