in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
