I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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