wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday