A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
