Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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