Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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