I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
