remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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