singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
