Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
