My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
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Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
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if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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