piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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