Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
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At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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