just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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