awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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