remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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