My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
