This is not my ceiling
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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