I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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