The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
