can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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