Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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