I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
