She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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