I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize