Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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