Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
