It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
