You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
