We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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