Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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