we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
