Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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