Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
