I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
