hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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