Do vagina's smell?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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