I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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