anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Randomize
