so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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