She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I can't trust your balls anymore.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
