I just saw a hot homeless man
barbara walters just said penis...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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