do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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