I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
