too bad you live with your parents still
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
