DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
