i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
