none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
