Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize