I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
