my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
