I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
