im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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