gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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