you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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