mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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