tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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