There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
