You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
