That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
