Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
