I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
