oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
