She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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