i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
