i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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