a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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