A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
