Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
