he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
