first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
