also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
