Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
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how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
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