I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
