Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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