I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
