Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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